Sometimes, I look at the crowd who cheer for us when we perform onstage and wonder. I wonder how many of them hide deep secrets. I think about how many of them are hiding something in their heads although they really want to tell somebody but they didn't have the guts to tell anybody. I also wonder how many of them had the guts to tell someone their weirdest and dirtiest secrets or perhaps their feelings.
Hi. I'm Josh Farro. Eighteen. Lead guitarist. Songwriter. Shy guy. Down to earth. Smart. Handsome. Okay, I'm getting a little too cocky. But hey, everybody deserves to brag once in a while. Don't we? I'm not really some guy who just brags all the time. I'm in this band called Paramore and as I have already told you I'm the lead guitarist.
Then there's Jeremy Davis. Twenty one. Tall guy. Awesome bassist. Joker. Ultimate pranker. He's really good in relationships considering he's been with his girlfriend Kat for a really long time now. I can definitely see them getting married in the future. Jeremy is like the big brother in the band because he's the eldest.
There's also Zac Farro, my younger brother. Sixteen. A pranker too (second to Jeremy). Can beat the crap out of a drum kit. Loves food. Somewhat weird at certain times. He can definitely make your day by making you laugh when he does the most ridiculous stuff.
Then there's the new guy, Taylor York. Seventeen. The shy type. Rhythm guitarist. Makes really great riffs. A little too preserved (at first). Is best friends with Zac. But don't let his bashfulness fool you. If he gets to know you better and gets comfortable around you he'll be just as crazy as Zac.
Then finally, there's Hayley. How can I start by describing her? Great singer. Seventeen. Knows rock and roll very well. Petite. Orange hair (sometimes red). Funny. Cute. Amazing. Pretty. She's always been like the little sister of everybody in the band because she's fun to be around and she can brighten up your day by being the great person she is.Zac once said to her that even though she's older than him, she'll alaways be his little sister. But in my case, I see her as something much more than that which is kind of a problem.
I have liked her ever since I saw her. Not when I first met her, but when I first laid my eyes on her. It kinda sucks in a way actually. I never really had the guts to tell her how I feel. It's like I wanna tell her but I don't want to at the same time. Makes no sense but that's how I feel. Maybe someday I will tell her but I don't feel good about what her reaction would be. Maybe she'll feel the same way. Maybe she won't care. Maybe she'll think it's ridiculous and she'll avoid me. But for all I know, she probably sees me as her friend, her brother and nothing more. Nothing more. And I hate it. I hate it so much it hurts. I wish I could stop being in love with her. I really do. I feel stupid. But I can't help it. I'm in love with Hayley Williams.
Hayley sang our closing song flawlessly as the crowd scream for her. Just the sound of her voice mesmerizes me.
"Thank you all! We love you! Have a great night!" Hayley screams into the mic when we ended the last song then we all left the stage.
"Ugh! I'm exhausted." Hayley whined, brushing off the hair sticking to her sweaty face. Even when she's all sweaty she still looks amazing.
"You killed it out there." I complimented her. "As always." I added.
"You were pretty good yourself." she said. I smile. Hayley laughs.
"Haha! You are so cute!" she squeezes my cheek. I laugh with her.
"Woah. Easy there, lovebirds." Jeremy came into the scene. I blushed. Luckily Hayley didn't notice. Hayley and I are always like this, fooling around. Sometimes I wonder if she'll ever get tired of it. I really hope she doesn't. But I can't say that I want it to always be this way. I want us to be more than that.
We headed backstage and took care of everything else. After that we went straight to the tour bus. In that bus, everybody was being themselves and getting ready to sleep. Everybody but me. Well, what I did was very weird.
In the bunk beds, Hayley sleeps right across the bus facing my bunk bed. I spent most of the night watching her sleep. I know you think this is creepy but that is what I did. Sometimes I think if this is an obsession. I wasn't watching her in a way a creep would. It was watching her in a way I wanted to protect her, to watch over her. I hope she's sleeping well and is having a good dream. I finally got tired of having my eyes wide open and drifted off to sleep.
The next thing I know, I was in this whole different place. I was laying on soft grass under a shady tree. The sun's rays were making it's way through the leaves of the tree and some into my eyes. It was beautiful. I shut my eyes and wonder if this is true. It was like I was in a whole different world. It all seemed unreal. I touched the grass and felt it tickle my fingers. I open my eyes turn my head and saw her lying next to me. She was beautiful, as always. But she had a sad look in her eyes. Something I really don't want to see. She turned to face me. It was like a slow motion kind. Like everything stopped when her eyes met mine.
"Is there something you're not telling me?" she asks, still looking sad. I don't answer.
"You. You were watching me sleep." she says. I froze. I felt a shiver run down my spine. "Why is that?" I still don't answer. I turned away from her stare. For some reason, I was scared of looking into her sea green eyes which are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.
The skies suddenly turn grey, dark and cloudy as if it would start to rain. I was terrified.
"There's something you're hiding away from me, Josh. What is it that you're not telling me?" she demands. I open my mouth to say something but failed to find the right words to say. I suddenly feel the ground underneath me sinking.
"You can't tell me. Can you?" she stood up. "No. You can't. You're a coward. You're afraid of telling me." The ground underneath me consumes me, sinking me into it, turning into a sinkhole.
"Hayley! I-" I struggle to say what I wanted to say. The ground was rapidly taking me in. I couldn't breathe. Half of my body was already under the ground and Hayley just stood there and watched me with a staight face as I get eaten alive by the earth like it was quicksand.
"I lo-" I choked out. But it was too late. I had completely sunk into the earth. I felt horrible. I couldn't breathe. But I think that what disturbed me the most is that Hayley didn't do anything to save me. I was under the ground, suffocating. I was completely petrified.
I open my eyes and breathed in as much air as I could. I then realize that I had been dreaming seeing that I was in the bus again in my bunk bed. I panted and breathed rapidly. I felt as if I really had sunk into the ground. What a nightmare. For a second there I thought that dream were true because everything felt so real. I sighed in relief thinking it was just a dream. But what makes me think the most is what that dream meant. What did it mean?